Thursday, August 31, 2006

in this whole week, i thought thru' alot alot alot.... situations to situations, problems to problems... there just seemed to be more than it. More than what lies within things i went thru' and am going thru'... my life is like a rose full of thorns n like a winding road getting more n more narrow thru' the years... i am certainly tired... new goals? aims? resolutions? targets? striving to give my best to hit them? that's certainly not all that i want my life to be! realli thought thru' n searched my past, the life with Jesus that i was living... n i came to a conclusion that though i've grown thru' my walk wif God but it's not God's best for me.. i just truely want to be who God has created me to be, a child after His own heart.. action without faith=boasting only.. i want to be a faith-filled Child Of God!! so many things i wanna be n do for God, all my dreams n desires... i realised that all these will never come to past until n unless i desire to be the one n only true Carys that was created with His breath of life.. n i know that, no matter what rough patches i've been thru'... He understands,..He do! giving my life 100% to God n God only isn't easy but i will believe, let go n let God... i know there's no point dwelling on what i'm going thru' now... i can boldly say that, some can empatise but none except Him can truely understand... it's really heart-wrenching to live in the reality of this world, almost impossible to carry on living another day in my life... BUT i know God is love n God is hope, i will continue trudging forward no matter what it takes...because Jesus, my everything, is with me all the time n will be wif me forever in years to come... i dun wan this to hinder my sch's growth!! there will be a breakthru'! there must be more than this...

moving on...

what we could have been, 9:10 PM.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

internet connection is back but...
no time to blog.

stress stress stress stress stress

stresss stress stress stress

stress stress stress

stress stress

STRESS!!

what we could have been, 10:54 PM.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

felt strongly for smth that i'll never get to have... shall not bother about this le... no point. flashbacks, memories... still there but now gone.. dunno how i should actually feel but... it didn't feel good at all. perhaps i 'm still holding on, perhaps i knew wad i wud do.. i wud rather i never knew, but it had to be, THE TRUTH.. how should i react? i dun want to but i have to...

what we could have been, 8:49 PM.

Monday, August 21, 2006

utterly disappointed again...

noone comforts when i cry...

noone listens when i'm sad...

no hugs when i realli needed one...

no shoulder to lean on when i tear...

noone to talk to when i'm happy...

noone to clarify my doubts when i'm blur...

noone to motivate me when i study...

noone to share those lil' secrets with...

noone to turn to when i needed help...

God, i need something more, someone closer, someone who loves me just the way i am...
soon? later? i noe U have Ur perfect plan...

Waiting in silence...

what we could have been, 6:39 PM.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

i have to do it...
myself...

no more holding back....
no time to waste...

face it, overcome it...
it's now or...
NEVER!!
believe in, trust in...
no other more powerful...

time to see a change...
keep a true promise...

doubtful i must be no more...
giving full trust, life's assurance..

laying all down...
in sweet surrender to Ur name...

where can i run away to n hide from Ur love?
the beauty of holiness brings worship anew...
my greatest love is You..

what we could have been, 1:02 AM.

Friday, August 18, 2006

~i can't smile without you~

u know i can't smile without u..
i can't smile without u...
i can't laugh, and i can't sing..
i'm finding it hard, to do anything..

u noe i feel sad when u're sad...
i feel glad when u're glad..
if u only knew,
what i'm going through
i just can't smile~
without you...

Sec 3 camp's over! came back with mixed feelings... yupx, yey!! overcame my fear to try new stuff, did the Challenge Rope Courses but didn't complete it cuz i was so scared... so hard to balance myself lor... hehe, den fell down wif my partner but worst of all, i tripped over the rope and hit my ankle on the metal bar... OUCH!! slightly bleeded n blue black... limp here n there lor...lols =P den oso did abselling( dunno how to spell..hehe) cool lor! haha... the instructor very nice n shuai de leh... hehe =x but didn't Kayak cuz still got phobia n somemore on tat day the waves very choppy... build our own raft n was one of the best... used the points we scored to bid for those raft parts.. YEAY! we 3G gals won the orienteering race n came up wif our 3G sexy cheer!! yipee.. 3G rawks!.. den oso got night walk den different ppl got different type of feelings too... to me, it was quite romantic but boring.. some were obviously afraid that they may see things they dun wish to see... yupx, the sky was litted wif an array of beautiful shining stars.. sang songs tgt as we walked.. den i got quite crappy n lame that my classmate tot i was weird!! hehes... anyway, think i got back my appetide cuz every day was forced to eat... hehe, still pukish almost after every meal.. but at least i was eating =] mmm... the food was good! even had ice-cream during one of the meal... yumyum! but must say that wasn't a nice place to sleep too... almost after every fifteen to twenty mins, an aeroplane will fly pass( quite low somemore), super duper loud one lor.. n we can practically feel the wooden plank we're sleeping on tremble de leh...n also... MOSQUITOES!!! arghh...couldn't sleep so much irritation..wif learnt lotsa new cheer!!! can approach me if u wanna learn man... =D one cool camp except bathing time...hahas.. ahhh...finally got soft bed n aircon to sleep in at home...

tot i've achieved it but...
stabbed stabbed stabbed... [wounded]

what we could have been, 9:22 PM.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

AHH!!! tml sec 3 camp!!! i dun wanna go... i got aquaphobia!! hmm... well, maybe that was just an excuse.. haiz... hope it'll not happen in camp again... gonna pray real hard... Hmm, God reminded me to expect the best to happen! Okay Papa... i'll stand by Ur promise! hehes... gonna study super duper hard n smart after the camp... no matter how tired i am gonna be =x yea, my results are...'ATROCIOUS!' but will be BETTER!!! yea...AMEN! hahas.. not gonna let my past failures n defeat put me down.. wif God wif me, i will boldly take every step forward in life... the pasture on the other side will be much greener... East E marching forward to claim e prize..20! Dun miss adorable carys here!!! =]

what we could have been, 10:28 PM.

Monday, August 14, 2006

still holding on...

pushing on...

moving on...

keeping on...

pressing on...

but i fell down...
a nasty fall...
a deep scar...

u stretched out Ur hand...
reached out to me...
pull me up onto my feet...
and piggybacked me...

U placed Ur hands over my scar..
and it healed immediately...
U whispered into my little ear..
and told how much U love me ...

'Never will I leave u nor forsake u..'..
these words of Urs stood true to my heart...
a big warm hug from U that i'll never forget..
A gentle smile from U...
paints a picture of a thousands words...
'My precious child, dun worry... for I am in control...'
says Dad.

what we could have been, 4:33 PM.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

self-composed

things was different eversince it sparked..
some dark areas brightened up..
part of my motivation to push on..
strong n steady i'll be moving on..
a temporary barrier i must be clear..
awaiting the time, when will it come near?
it may just be a childish tot of mine..
growing together would make them bind..

mine was weeping, the day u had chosen..
ever will it rise cheerful again, jus as it was risen?
memories came back day after day..
wishing ur return, i wish i may
faithfully updated,
sadly i rejected..

gone..
tosted n blown by the wind..
were here but gone tomorrow..
sensed it, figured out...
hoping n praying...
things are never the same..

still living for Him..
lots of hopes n dreams..
but something's just missing..
my drive seemed to be lost..
tried to make it...
but still lost grip...
the things i came upon,
makes it ache even more..
undescribable feelings..
jus hoping...
they'll walk together again...

heartfelt blogged by:
~carys~

what we could have been, 4:40 PM.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

blessings after blessings...
thinking that everything's impossible? how can a miracle happen in ur life? will God really bless u when u pray or does He even hear ur prayers or ur cry to Him? i realli pray that this post will be one that will change ur mentality n gear u up for bigger dreams for God by faith!!

have been facing many problems lately, realli was emotionally weak... feeling that time has came to a stop, everything is jus so mondane... jus feel that i dun belong at home, school...? 'pls end sch faster!' and jus dun feel like doing anything else... SLACK! who understands what i'm going thru'? realli felt so tight up emotionally.. worse still, was still feeling nauseous everyday!! haiz, wad's happening to me? jus feel like shunning away from everyone that i've met...

all my follow-upees not coming for service n cg... it has been a toil on me to get back the same reply or even no reply at times when confirmimg attendance... [little carys can't find her sheep...] i will believe n keep believing with all my heart, but... when God? when...?....

felt horrible at cca todae... deciding if i should quit or not... i actualli cried infront of my teacher whom i dun realli trust =( well, went for Planetshaker's concert WITHOUT excitement n expectation... jus going for the fun of it... little did i noe that from that moment on, God changed everything...

i felt the strong presence of God in that place during worship n began to kneel before God n wept.. He spoke right into my life that i need to noe Him more, He also comforted me that He's in control of everything n it'll soon be fine... He also brought me back to Our first love n reminded me once n for all... He'll never be far, for He's just a prayer away... before confirming attendance at 930pm, the Holy Spirit prompted me to sms Stacy... someone whom i never tot i would ever sms again... the chances of her replying was only 50%... lost contact with her since the beginning of this year, her hp was confiscated, strict parental control from stepping out of the house n so it was impossible for me to meet her at her house void deck, can't call her house... WRONG NO.! only thru' the pathetic msn ( when sometimes she dun even reply =/ ) stayed faithful in praying for her every night, waiting for God to do smth... n indeed, Stacy replied!! after knowing who i was, i asked her for service once again... but she said she was grounded... but maybe... she could come after exams!!! whee~ erm... if only her mum allows... :/ i den asked her, 'the important question is,... do u realli wanna come? if yes, all are possible n i'll be praying for u...' ,she replied" i want to!"... at that time, i was overjoyed n just stunned for a moment... and when i asked that she got back her hp already? she told me that she was allowed to use only for that day... ARE U AMAZED??! i truely am!

Well, that's not all!!! if u've been a faithful visitor to my blog, do u remember the day i was late for my chinese papers n didn't manage to complete the paper?? todae just got back the results that i was so dreadful to receive... guess wad? I PASSED!! Yeay! =] 26/50! haha... n the other component was the horendous compo, the worse i tot i've ever written... only wrote 3/4 a page n the story was super brief n incomplete ( dun believe can let u read it man..) but,... I PASSED IT!! 14/25! when i received my paper, i was dumbfounded, totally! Wow... God is indeed real in my life n so can He be in ur life too! Amen? [Proverbs 20:21-22]

what we could have been, 12:35 AM.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

ziah...s'daw gg gnorw? mmh,onnud...tlef ekil m'i gnieb tpek ni eht krad...gnihisiw u llew.. emoc kcab noos.. DOG SI REAN, LL'EH YATS YB RU EDIS N REVEN LLIW EVAEL U!! EPOH U EES SIHT TSOP... =]

what we could have been, 8:25 PM.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

i'm sick of the kind of life i'm living now!!! it's just not the way... where has my compassion n drive gone to? God is near but y sometimes i still choose to put my attention on something else n lose focus?? Wad? GIVING UP?? NO!! that's not the way!! For Jesus is the way, the truth and the life... No one comes to the Father except thru' Him... tired n disheartened to see no fruits coming in after giving my all... i feel used up and drained, does no one cares or appreciate me anymore? Wad am i? who am i? A robot used to serve den discarded??! NEVER! i'm living for the audience of one, The One! JESUS! i want to live life like never before! No more craving for spiritual milk, i want solid food!! i want to be more like Jesus! i'll perserver on wif God cuz nothing is impossible for God n wif God's strength in me...For i'm pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed!! AMEN! =] SHSS may be a tough cookie now but God will be the milk to soften this cookie n it'll taste mmm mmm good! Yuppx, God i'm hanging on to Ur promise... IT SHALL BE DONE! =)

what we could have been, 10:23 PM.

Monday, August 07, 2006

lalalala lalalala Carys world~ lalalala lalalala Jesus' world... carys is happy, loves u guys too! that's Carys world!!!~ hehes... 7th Aug '06 is the happiest day of my life in the month of Aug!dunno y so happy todae too, but for all i noe THANK GOD FOR THE JOY HE GAVE TO ME!! wahahas...yeapx, situations are definitely improving n i feel more at peace... yea, determined to find my co-worker le! dun wan to be alone le... God knows my specific needs n He longs to meet it n satisfy me... i'm more than a conqueror in Christ! AMEN! yuppx, desiring for a word from God that will drive me on n totally change my life.. i dun wanna be here anymore!! God'll bring me to the promised land n i'll claim it in Jesus name... NO more FEAR, NO more FAITHLESSNESS! SHSS cg shall come to past by God's grace n mercy! still believing wif all my heart, soul n mind... [Joshua 1:3 ]

what we could have been, 10:50 PM.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Oh, when shall we meet again? In sunlight, in storm or in rain? hahaz...(Macbeth code..?) hmm... todae got cg retreat at Cafe Cartel n it was quite fun! Whee... aft that went FOP together.. tot we were super late n will never get to go into the Kallang Indoor Stadium but still made it...Thank God man! Yea, it was a long day todae but God spoke to me during the sharing of the word at FOP... " i am a mighty warrior!!" AMEN!!! [Judges 6:11] God has a better opinion of us than we have of ourselves... The losing of our faith is caused by memory, past failures...BUT! God does not look at our past but instead, our future... Miracles will only happen by our desperation n desire to see God's vision come to past... Dare to dream big for God! =]

what we could have been, 1:18 AM.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Sobs sobs...todae last cg together as EC4... gonna miss the times when we had so much fun,how we grew together as a group n gonna miss u guys too! Hmm... God realli spoke to me during worship todae,... the reason y i serve n desiring to experience God in a deeper n greater extent... Was super tired todae aft common test n nights of burning midnight oils.. yawns( panda eyes even more evident =x) i dun wanna stay here anymore, i wanna go deeper with God!!! St.Hilda's may still be barren for now but i believe that if it's God's will, i myself will establish a Shss cg there! Though my goal to rise up as a CL by Aug is still quite far-fetched, i believe wif all my heart that if it's God's plan for me to take up this role n when He says that i'm ready, I WILL GO... i know that serving n rising up is not just about the status quo thingy but truely surrendering my whole life n serving wif all my heart...[Matt7:7-8] i wanna be a humble servant of God, Carys, the new me shall never be the same again!!! From this day on, i shall renew my covenant wif God! [Joshua 1:3]~ God's promise will be fulfilled!!

what we could have been, 8:39 PM.

Wolalaz...another harvest period gone so fast!! n now is back to studies... Oh man, common test worx! Mug, mug, mug...must do well this time round man... Woo, overslept todae n was late for my Chinese paper... gotta reach sch by 8:30am n i woke up at 9:00!! phew.. but thank God tat the discipline master let me off n didn't have to serve detention! got to take the paper but left wif ony 40mins out of a 1hr paper!! prayed n chiong thru'... thank God that i managed to complete 90% of the paper! Though the following papers, Bio n Chem, were like gone-case but it's okie... i wun let todae's paper stop me from giving my best for thurs' n fri's! i shall move on wif dilligence n great faith... for i noe that i can do all things thru' Christ who strengthens me!! Yey... gonna jus give my all n just whack!!! Jus two more days!! i will pull thru' by God's grace n mercy!! BY FAITH I SHALL TURN IN NOW... [depending on You always...]

what we could have been, 12:56 AM.