Saturday, September 02, 2006
still filled with many mixed feelings in my heart... went to the beach ystd for some bbq wif Han You, Joy, Mabel, Serene n Louis... felt better after shouting at the sea n worshipping by the sea... totally awesome as i felt the sea breeze jus blowed towards me n the gentle waves which washed over the shores n the glistering of the surface of the waters... realli wanna thank God 4 such a wonderful sista, Mabel, to share n confide in... that night was awesome!~
today woke up early though no choir but full-gear study... wanted to use my time wisely... chiong ar!! " Wah... my blackslider coming back for service todae!!"..."my sheep hor...", everything i heard jus makes me feel worser each time... y is shss still stagnant? it's been 3 long years!!! fruits came in lately but things had to go the other way... was realli fed-up n discouraged... went to n fro the toilet, jus couldn't stop myself from crying when i think about everything which is happening to me in my life rite now... hope that i could convince myself that God'll make a way but... it's tough.. was about to go back to Africa room when i met Daixuan n when she asked me y i look so sad,... there goes everything that was built up for these two months plus... i cried n cried... couldn't help it i guess... never felt so burdened n den fed-up b4... y things jus wouldn't work out rite?? den was reminded by her that God'll never shortchange us when we give our best to the KOG.. n also encouraged me greatly when she told me that i would be a great testimony in near future! i will cling on to my last drip of faith.. still feeling down, i went for service.. hoping for smth supernatural n divine... nth realli big happened but the word of knowledge Pastor Shirley shared about Job's life, made me 'wow'... it was the same thing God kept reminding me thru'out the week... giving thanks n being joyful in all circumstances.. i know i was far from that... was quite motivated to move on n perserver on cuz i know i should look towards the end of the race n not the current situation... faith can't be restored or boosted to the max in a day... still believing, asking God to double or even triple up my faith level!! it's not bcuz i have to or bcuz of pleasing man that i want to serve in the past, but truely bcuz i willingly want and desire to do great things for Him.. it's time to pick myself up n run towards the finish line~ God's love is simple yet profound..
today woke up early though no choir but full-gear study... wanted to use my time wisely... chiong ar!! " Wah... my blackslider coming back for service todae!!"..."my sheep hor...", everything i heard jus makes me feel worser each time... y is shss still stagnant? it's been 3 long years!!! fruits came in lately but things had to go the other way... was realli fed-up n discouraged... went to n fro the toilet, jus couldn't stop myself from crying when i think about everything which is happening to me in my life rite now... hope that i could convince myself that God'll make a way but... it's tough.. was about to go back to Africa room when i met Daixuan n when she asked me y i look so sad,... there goes everything that was built up for these two months plus... i cried n cried... couldn't help it i guess... never felt so burdened n den fed-up b4... y things jus wouldn't work out rite?? den was reminded by her that God'll never shortchange us when we give our best to the KOG.. n also encouraged me greatly when she told me that i would be a great testimony in near future! i will cling on to my last drip of faith.. still feeling down, i went for service.. hoping for smth supernatural n divine... nth realli big happened but the word of knowledge Pastor Shirley shared about Job's life, made me 'wow'... it was the same thing God kept reminding me thru'out the week... giving thanks n being joyful in all circumstances.. i know i was far from that... was quite motivated to move on n perserver on cuz i know i should look towards the end of the race n not the current situation... faith can't be restored or boosted to the max in a day... still believing, asking God to double or even triple up my faith level!! it's not bcuz i have to or bcuz of pleasing man that i want to serve in the past, but truely bcuz i willingly want and desire to do great things for Him.. it's time to pick myself up n run towards the finish line~ God's love is simple yet profound..
what we could have been, 11:18 PM.
